The Fuckboy Free Diet

No, I will not thank you later.

The Modern Day Fuckboy (MDFB) comes in all shapes and sizes. However, once you’ve been exposed to the warning signs, you can decrease the time you spend binge-eating mini Snickers in his name and focus, instead, on self-progression. You can earn back the time you’ve spent shaving your entire body, and checking his social media followers, and invest in spiritually compensating things like Vinyasa Flow or Narcos.

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Fuckboy Fancy Fads

These killers can be spotted sporting a tight V-neck (usually white), Zanerobes, Del Toro’s, and whatever else they hear is posh.  They also love the Miansai hook bracelet.  And most importantly, the “fuckboy haircut”.  If you don’t know what that is, here’s an example:

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*Remember, fuckboys tend to have limited individuality. Also their religious beliefs, include, but are not limited to, working out and partying.

A Fuckboy and His Squad

What would a fuckboy be without his squad/ crew/ team/ bros? Absolutely nothing, (but insecure).

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Note: rarely do they exert loyalty, they will easily pursue their best friend’s ex as soon as they break up because of their love of attention, recycling girls, and being sneaky.

Fuckboys Love Keeping You Updated

Snapchat is the virtual playground for a fuckboy. Whether he stories his “gains” (a fuckboy term for protein-heavy foods) or his Saturday nights at the club, you know he’ll be looking for ANY excuse to snapchat you because it takes much less effort than shooting a text.   He loves to take snapchats of all his bottles at his table, and Instagram pictures with his crew at their table.  Who pays for that? Mommy and DADDY. (He has a lot of money? Oh don’t worry… He’ll let you know right away.)  So if you want the attention of a fuck boy, then yes ladies: prepare your finest duck face, and the now-trending fish gape, because it’ll guarantee at least one “hey” or “what are you doing” from a MDFB. 98% effective or your dignity back.

You have like one bottle bro.
        You have like one bottle bro.

Fuckboys Can Relate to Drake

Even fuckboys can be sensitive. Feelings of a MDFB can totally be manifested when they hear Drake. For example: fuckboys like to think they’ve “Started from the Bottom” when they’re at the club with their boys and bottles, and it’s very clear the route of their fuckery comes from “Trust Issues”.  Surely they’ll identify with “Hotline Bling,” mainly because it’s centered around the one activity fuckboys couldn’t do without: the booty call. If you need his love, it’s 1-800-FUCK-BOII.

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Don’t Let The Fear of Meeting a Fuckboy Keep You From Playing the Game

MDFB’s may be charming opportunists who captivate you more than the guy your mom wants you to marry, but don’t let a fuckboy make you blue. After all, the fuckboy reign is short lived and it’s possible that, if romantically involved with one, it will grow to become an even bigger disaster. On the plus side, the bigger disaster it is, the more you learn from it.  Although, if you’ve had more than a few romantic encounters with a fuckboy, chances are you’re well on your way to being a fuckgirl. But we can get into “fuckgirls” another time. You can avoid satisfying your local fuckboy by steering clear of the superficialities that make them all the more attractive. Learn from defeat, but don’t consider yourself defeated. Focus more on fostering non-pretentious relationships, rather than a game, when searching for your next guy.

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Love,

Maria Castro & Lana Gandler

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